While I do enjoy a creative cocktail, I would rather swallow a lightbulb than go to some hipster ~speakeasy~ where a snobby "mixologist" in a suspenders judges my order. You know what I'm talking about.
What is it about martinis that just make you feel elegant? Your lunch might have been a collection of cheetos and fries you found on the floor of you car, but if you wash it down with a martini you feel like the epitome of chic.
